Night after night
Revenge fantasies
Sweating beneath the blankets
White knuckles
Unable to let go
Just let me torture him for one night
Let me kidnap him
Lock him in the boot of the car
Drive him out to the Jebel* with a couple of friends
Let us sit around a fire
With him tied up
Let us spend some time in silence
Looking at him
Letting his mind create the immediate future before him
As I create it in my mind
Let me ride this fantasy out
Let it tear me apart inside
Let it tie my mind into knots
Let it send my heart racing
Bring on the rage
Bring on the migraines
Bring on the distraction
Bring on the cloud
The boil beneath the haze
You can’t control how others behave but you can control how you respond
Fuck You
I can’t move on until he’s writhing in pain
Sand in his drying blood
His mother and sister looking down on him
Urine patch staring up at them
Tears in his eyes
You won’t fuck around with me again
I carry his shattered bones in a tattered sack on my aching back
His torn skin stretched over my weary eyes
My clarity drowning in his blood
Forevermore
(*Arabic for mountain and a popular name for a hilly, rocky area of undeveloped desert in Bahrain. Aside from the sea, it was the only place we could escape civilization)
